2015: We Survived

I know people usually write this sort of post to ring in the New Year, but I need to find some way to close out last year, even if 2015 is technically over and covered with cobwebs in the back of the closet.

It was an exciting year -- in the way a rollercoaster is exciting.  Where you know it is supposed to be fun but you are so terrified that you think your heart will explode and you may lose control of all bodily functions.  And even after you survive the ride your knees are weak and your hair looks like a rat's nest.  Well that is how I felt for most of 2015.  White knuckled and wide-eyed.        

I really like security. Think cozy blankets, hot mugs of coffee, and Netflix.  Bank accounts with lots of padding, heated car seats, and good health insurance policies with dental and vision.  When I was a toddler I didn't like being thrown in the air or to be put on my dad's shoulders.  I once had a job at a bank as a "Risk Reduction Specialist".  Then a couple of years ago I felt the Lord was speaking to me about stagnation. Like, the picture of a stagnant pond.  It may be beautiful from a distance, reflecting the trees and sky in it's stillness.  But up close it is covered in algae and mosquitos and bordered with unruly ragweed. It is a picture of the fruit of worldly security:  a humid, mucky, stifling, self-centered life.  And that picture scared me, because it described me: Afraid to take risks; settling for whatever course met the least resistance; wallowing in my comfort zone.  And not just in my daily life but in my relationship with the Lord.  I believed, but when it came time to trust in places I couldn't control, my faith crumbled like the buttery cinnamon topping on a Pioneer Woman coffee cake (except not insanely delicious).    

In my heart I knew God was calling me to more than "safe", yet I was unwilling to take risks for the One that risked everything for me.  

My husband and I made a decision two years ago to invest in my photography business full time.  For this former Risk Reduction Specialist it was not a safe idea to trade the security of my husband's traditional 9-5 schedule and twice a month paycheck for a unpredictable and unnecessary career as a Family Storytelling Photographer. Every "what if" scenario went through my mind.  But we did it!  And I naively thought that once we jumped in the deep end I would find myself splashing in a luxurious claw footed bathtub filled with bubbles and surrounded by candlelight.  In reality, we plummeted into a raging river.  Roaring, cold, and filled to the brim with risk, making me regret leaving the comfort of that stagnant pond.    

I want to peruse the pictures below and have that feel you get when you mow the grass and sweat stings your eyes and you breathe in gas fumes and run over rocks and grunt as you push the mower up hill.  Then just as you finish, the engine sputters it's last breath.  Wiping the sweat from your brow, you smile and survey the fruit of your hard work.  What a sense of accomplishment!  Yet, when I look at these pictures I cannot seem to muster that feeling.  

Even after two years, my heart is wired for security.  

I don't see the cozy blankets and Netflix my heart longs for.  I see my son's hand being mangled in an escalator, wrong turns up steep mountain twists where there is no turning back, fishtailing in snow storms, worry that no one would hire me, long straight roads through hot deserts with no gas stations, a little one struggling with potty training at the most inconvenient moments, unexpected expenses, fear my hard drive would crash or my camera would be stolen, car accidents,  tarantulas, frightening bumps in the night, grimy campground showers, more lost phone chargers than I can count.  There was rarely a moment of stillness.

But wait.  Stillness?  Is that what I am seeking?  Didn't I want to leave the stagnant waters and take risks for the One that risked everything for me?  Yes, that is what I wanted, but... I guess maybe I didn't realize how much it would hurt.  

2015.  We survived.  Taxes paid, digital files received, limbs intact.    

But, no.  We did more than survive.  We saw grizzly bear cubs.  Felt the warmth of the sun as it rose over the Grand Canyon.  Threw snow balls in May under a canopy of pine trees in air so fresh it took our breath away.  We stopped at every Dairy Queen, watched 400,000 bats fly out of a cave at dusk, and hugged the Redwoods.  I had afternoon tea with a sweet grandmother in her drawing room in Scotland.  And I held a microphone and shared stories that led some women to tears.  Our kids made friends with kids that wear cowboy hats, shoot gophers, walk to the city Farmer's Market, ride their bikes over the Mississippi River, share their mom with a dozen other siblings, collect sea glass along the Atlantic Ocean, minister to the needy in their community, live on a thousand acres, have special needs, and chop their own firewood.  We stumbled and fell and spent so much money on Bandaids and antibiotic ointment.  And we laughed and worried and slept and drove and ate bacon and eggs nearly every morning.  

So I guess what I am trying to say is, life is scary and filled with risk and there are no guarantees that things will go your way, but that doesn't mean life it isn't worth living.  I mean really living.  I certainly haven't got it figured out-- there are so many facets of my heart that are still longing for stagnation, avoiding confrontation, and wanting nothing more than to please myself.   But I know that the risk is worth the cost.  The creator of the universe loved me so much that he sacrificed his own perfect son to save me.  Yes, a full bank account and heated car seats may bring a sense of security for a moment, but it does not last.  Life in Jesus does not promise all of those amenities--  but it does promise something better-- an unshakable, secure, never failing love which there is no risk in life so great to disturb.    

I do not need safety as much as I need You. You’re dangerous but Lord, You’re beautiful... Jesus take my all. Take my everything. I’ve counted up the cost. And You’re worth everything.
— Rend Collective

Available for a session in your home in the following cities June/July 2016:  

Blacksburg, Lancaster, Philly, NYC, NJ, Long Island, New Haven, Boston, Buffalo, Portland ME, Eastern Shore MD

email me at hello at mollyflanagan dot com for more information!

ava+ruby in jacksonville, oregon

It is so hard to believe it has been almost a year since we visited Courtney Zimmerman at her home in Southern Oregon.  One afternoon we let Ava and Ruby throw a few packets of Holi powder -- they were in giggly little girl heaven!  

Want to hear me run my mouth about photography?  Listen to my interview on Jenny Stein's amazing podcast This Week in Photo.

See more of Courtney Zimmerman's family and their beautiful straw bale home

We are headed North in June and July.  Contact me for more information about a Storytelling Session in your home if you live in one of the following cities:  Blacksburg, Lancaster, Philly, NYC, New Jersey, Long Island, New Haven+Madison, Boston, Buffalo, Portland ME, Eastern Shore MD, Raleigh.  

The Vaughan's Story in Virginia Beach

The routines of housework and of mothering may be seen as a kind of death, and it is appropriate that they should be, for they offer the chance, day after day, to lay down one’s life for others. Then they are no longer routines. By being done with love and offered up to God with praise, they are thereby hallowed.
— Elisabeth Elliot

This is the second time I have gotten to take pictures for Camille.  The first was a couple of years ago at her Pop pop's home in Raleigh - one of my favorite photographic experiences!  Camille also came to a photography retreat I helped put on in Sonoma this past summer for a group of alumni from my Visual Storytelling class.  When I think back to when Camille took my class a few years ago, I had no idea I would see her again.  I certainly never thought I would one day call her "friend"!  

When I started trying to tell stories with pictures for families, it was out of a desire for real relationships.  I was not satisfied with the matching white shirts and fake smiles found in traditional family portraits and wanted a deeper interaction with families.  Documenting real life without posing or manipulating is hard.  There are no guarantees. No control.  But when I let go of my expectations and just let life unfold--  the results are always more beautiful and powerful than anything I could have constructed on my own.  

I see our ability to have meaningful, deep, human relationships as a wonderful reflection of our restored relationship to our Creator.  That is why Jesus came-- to make a way for us to have a relationship with God.  No longer do I call you servants for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15).  Real relationships are not easy.  Just like Jesus - they require denying yourself, risk, sacrifice, and long suffering but the rewards are always worth the cost.  

I am so thankful for the relationships I have formed through photography.  And for families that, like me, are not satisfied with family photos which only convey the shallow surface of their lives. I know my method is not perfect and my desire is to continue to figure out ways to tell genuine stories for others.  But it sure has been fun trying!  

P.S. If you are on your phone scroll down to the end of the page to see some of my East Coast travel locations in June.  If you are on your desktop just look at the right sidebar.  

The Tonetti Spellman's Story in Westchester, NY

Try as I might, I cannot beat these words Jennifer Tonetti Spellman wrote this fall after I photographed her family.  

“To be able to see how others see your life, your family, your home.

It’s what I provide to my clients, but never before has it been provided to me.

There was only 1 person to do that ‘job.’ The very gifted Molly Flanagan.

For you see, she is a true documentarian. She doesn’t switch things around in your home. She doesn’t worry about ‘resting’ faces. She doesn’t drag you to pretty light to get the shot.

She shoots your life.. as it is.

And when our life was about to drastically change, I reached out.

And cross country she came.

Literally the day after I came home from the hospital, there was the knock at the door at 8am. A bit overwhelmed by the entire situation of new life, all of us a bit bleary-eyed, our ‘new’ story began.

Come watch Molly tell it like only her eye could.

Thank you, Jenn, for allowing me into your home during such a private and important time in your life!  I am completely honored to have photographed your family and thankful to call you friend!  

See more from this session here on Jennifer's Blog

THE FERGUSON'S STORY IN PHILADELPHIA, PA

I have met so many wonderful people around the world through photography and Elizabeth Ferguson is one of my favorites.  Elizabeth did a  mentorship with me not long after she was out of college.  Then she took my Visual Storytelling class.   Then I had the honor of photographing her wedding a couple of years ago.  And this fall I photographed her and Pat with their first baby!

Elizabeth and Pat rent an apartment above the "carriage house" at her mom's house.  Their apartment is completely adorable and Elizabeth's mom's house is one of the most beautiful homes I have seen.  It has cool old latch door knob-things and a secret room at the top of a secret staircase and huge fire places and if I lived there I would never ever leave the house.  She was gracious enough to put up my whole family for a couple of nights while we were in Philadelphia. The whole time we were there the weather was terrible.  It poured and poured and poured rain.  And they poured and poured and poured hospitality upon our family. So much food and coffee and card games and Labradoodle snuggles and wonderful conversations and friendship.  We felt overwhelmed with affection and care and I am not lying when I say that I shed a couple tears waving good-bye from our car when it was time to leave. 

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”
— Mother Teresa

You can see some pictures from Elizabeth and Pat's backyard wedding here.